F U Skinny Cow!

I love coupons.

I found a coupon for a free Skinny Cow single serve ice cream.  My mum said that Skinny Cow is really great, so I thought "Fantastic!  I can try it for free!"   Wrong choice.

I got the Chocolate Fudge Brownie single serve.  Don't get me wrong, it tasted great!  But now, I'm regretting every. single. bite.

I am itchy head to toe.  My lips are swollen.  I'm on the verge of sneezing my face off.  I've taken a Benedryl, but I'm not sure that it's working.  My lips have reduced about 2%, but I am itchier!

I read the list of ingredients,  but as far as I can tell there is no Yellow no. 5 or Tartrazine in it.  But I'm obviously having an allergic reaction to something in it.

I want to peel my skin off!  ARGH!

Death of the hair pigment!

So, I was plucking some grey hairs last night.  I know, I know, you pluck one and two grow back.  Blah, blah, blah.

Whilst plucking, I realized two things:

1) Unless I intended to stay up all night, this was a futile effort.

2) If I did stay up all night, I'd be bald by morning.

I remember the first grey hair I found.  I was 28 years old. I cried.  Kids truly do give you grey hair.  E was just starting to become more of a teenager, rather than a child; and now that I've had H, my grey hair count has doubled.

They grey hairs used to just congregate around my ears, like lightening bolts.  Now, though, they're attacking my hairline in the middle of my forehead.  The tides are turning.  I'm not admitting defeat just yet, but I am certainly losing the battle against the grey hairs!

Tomorrow, I'm going to buy hair dye.

My Stupid Phone Number

At the beginning of May, M and I switched cell phone providers.  We got to choose our new phone numbers.  We picked numbers that were close to each others.

Ever since then, day and night, without fail, I've gotten a zillion and one phone calls for Kim.  I am not, nor have I ever been Kim.  I swear that she had her cell phone number (my new number) as recently as the day before I picked it!  I've received calls for her from Alberta, down south, locally, from Ontario and even from Vietnam! (I had to Google that one!). She has more friends than me.

Finally, after juggling a thousand things at once and getting yet another phone call for Kim, I broke down and called Telus.  They gave me a new phone number and even "graciously" waived the change fee of $25.00 (I'd have "politely" insisted that they waive the fee anyway).

The next day, I got a phone call for Hazel.

A couple of days later, I got a text for Adam.

Oh the irony!!!

25 Random Facts About Me!

1.  I love making mashed potatoes.  I can make gourmet, pillowy, creamy, whipped mashed potatoes.  I hate mashed potatoes.  They make me gag.

2.  Dish cloths and towels gross me out.  The can just feel the germs crawling all over them.  I am a paper towel hor, as a result.

3.  I have an unbridled fear of ladybugs.  Even sparkly stickered and cartoon ladybugs give me the heebie jeebies.

4.  I have double-jointed elbows.  They can bend backwards about 30degrees.  Makes it really easy to reach under things and around corners.

5.  I grind and gnash my teeth.  I wear a night guard when I sleep.  I have literally ground a hole in my left vampire-fang tooth.

6.  My eyes are three different colours: grey, blue and green.

7.  I suck at lying.  I cannot keep a secret, I cannot keep a straight face, I do not have a poker face, I can't play a practical joke or plan a surprise party.

8.  When I was a kid, I wanted to own a convenience store, so I could eat candy whenever I wanted.  In 6th grade I wanted to be a photographer.  After that I wanted to be a writer and a starving artist in Paris.

9.  I may have eaten a whole bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy in one sitting whilst pregnant.

10.  I love cookies so much, that I try to not have any in the house.

11.  I'm obsessed with Christian Louboutin shoes.

12.  When it comes to movies, I have the memory of a goldfish.  When I go to watch a movie for the second time, it's like I've never watched it before... complete blank.

13.  I am allergic to yellow.  Yes, the colour.  Specifically I am allergic to Yellow dye no. 5 (aka Tartrazine).  It's pretty much in everything.  I have to read every label on everything that I buy.  It makes my mouth and gums itchy and my tongue and throat swell if I consume something with yellow in it.  I thought I was lactose intolerant for about 15 years until I found out that tartrazine is in skim milk, and cheese is not actually orange... it's dyed that way!  Who knew?!

14.  Speaking of milk... I think it tastes like ass and feet.  I do not like milk.  BLEH!

15.  I just recently learned how to spell sauce.  I always used to spell it S-A-U-S-E.

16.  I have never smoked a single cigarette in my entire life.  I could probably even count on one hand every time I've ever held a cigarette (not lit, of course).

17.  I get panicky if I spend over $30 in on transaction.

18.  Ice tastes funny.

19.  If I ever met Paul Walker I would do dirty, nasty, unmentionable, X-rated things to him.  YUM!

20.  I read US Weekly every week.  Religiously.

21.  I blow bubbles in my sleep.  These tiny little air bubbles pop out of my slightly open mouth.  This has actually woken me up on several occasions.

22.  My big toes crack.  I cannot sneak anywhere.

23.  I prefer to be barefoot.  If snow wasn't so cold, I'd be barefoot year round.

24.  I could eat pizza all day, every day.

25.  This has taken me two weeks to write. Procrastinate, much?

A Real Gem from me...

So, M is looking at a shipping supplies catalogue.  He shows me a picture of a MASSIVE bin!  What comes out of my mouth?  "I don't know why they measure bin size by litres.  It should be measured by body count."  Then we proceeded to expand on this theory... 2 adults, or 5 midgets, or 6 Asian hookers.  We decided that bin size should be specifically calculated by Asian hooker body count.

Yep, I'll be the one who greets you when you go to hell, because you know you chuckled even a little bit at this post.

Ghost Cat

I swear we have a ghost cat in our house.

Last week when I was taking a nap, I felt the bed shake as if a cat had jumped on the bed.  I say cat, because I used to have a cat, and it felt like that.  Then, I could feel the ghost cat walking up the bed towards my head.  I could feel the blankets sink under the weight of the ghost cat's paws.  About when it got to my shoulder, I woke up.

Then the other day, while I was sleeping at night, I felt a clawed paw touch the middle of my back on my bare skin (I was wearing a tank top).

M says I'm crazy.  I saw we have a ghost cat.

I feel like I'm cheating...

on Christian Louboutin.

I am also in love with Neil Lane.  He gives me lady wood just as much as Mr. Loubi.

Seriously... how can you deny this:

Simply stunning.  Diamonds are a girls best friend!  And even more awesome... My birthstone is a DIAMOND!!!