Epiphany!

I previously posted about my loathing of New Years.

I had an epiphany that night.  An awakening, if you will.

M & I watched the Eastern feed for the ball drop in Times Square, knowing that we wouldn't make it to midnight (we live on the West Coast).  Sure enough, we only made it to 10:30pm! ha ha ha!

While watching the ball drop in Times Square, I noticed that I was smiling to myself.  I don't smile at New Years.  But this time, I was grinning to myself!

Later on, I woke up sometime after midnight to feed H a bottle.  I felt a sense of calm that I'd never felt before.  A sense of peace.  A sense of hope.  2010 was an intensely horrible year.  I'd never had a more stressful year.  The only bright spot was giving birth to H, but with that came a debilitating depression, making it a bittersweet experience at best.

I have a renewed attitude.  A fresh perspective.  A brighter outlook.

I am going to use 2011 to find myself again.  I vow to get back the body I had in college (after that I may strive for the body I never had!), be happy for most of everyday, not be short with my kids, be positive, listen more, ask for help, get a hair cut, get a tattoo or two.

This need for change is mostly inspired by my e-friend P.  She is a new mom as well (her daughter is 4 days younger than H).  She recently changed her body.  She's HOT and toned and healthy.  She is a true inspiration and a shining example that one can rebuild their body and self-image.  I want to thank P for changing my perspective and for giving me the will to change.

I'm stoked for my treadmill to come on January 21!  I have a job interview on Thursday (for a job I had just out of college that I loved).  I have my tattooist (yes, I have one) doing up artwork for my next tattoo (I'll likely get it in February).  I'm going to dye away the grey hair, and I want a wavy bob-like hair do.  I will write more.  I will paint more.  I want to learn how to make jewelry.  I will smile more.  I will get my other 2 wisdom teeth pulled, and I will not fear it.  I will fix myself.  I will find me.

And right now I will publish this blog post!